WTF is normal? When I declare my desire to be normal what am I really seeking?

When I seek normativity it is usually in a moment of chaos or feeling overwhelmed. I really desire relief.

What could it look like if I accepted and connected to that which I truly want? Forget normal! I want to not hurt. I want to cease suffering. These are things that can be engaged and resolved. Normal, it is just a setting on a washing machine.